Demented Dieter

Thought for the day: Every cloud has a silver lining? Er, when one door closes another one opens? I think I can be forgiven a few platitudes having just lost my job.

OK, I haven't actually lost it yet. It's just that the bulldozers are moving swiftly across campus in my direction and when they finally reach my office (in December) then it's goodbye Mrs Chips.

I took the news well, of course. It gave me the excuse I needed to stroll down to the ice-cream shop and spend the afternoon sitting on the beach with a bucket of mint chop chip. When I got home I opened a bottle of champagne and watched some sci-fi on the TV. Then I felt a whole lot better.

What to do next is the question. Suggestions on a post card please.

Current weight? Don't be silly.

If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. It it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day. -E.B. White, writer (1899-1985)

Surely that is the dieter's problem. She (or even he) starts each day in conflict: diet and improve yourself or eat and enjoy yourself. So far hedonism is winning out over self-improvement. I have (another) good excuse for not weighing myself today. My scales are at the uni having been borrowed by a group of teachers returning to Hong Kong. No, it's not that they are all chronically overweight or that there is a major shortage of scales on the island, more that they were worried about having to pay excess on their baggage. They used my scales to weigh their bags before they got on the bus to take them to the airport on Saturday. Do you think I should have mentioned that they weigh 4 kilos light?

On Friday I was out on a trip with my class and somehow failed to eat for nine hours. This, of course, resulted in my stuffing myself silly at the curry house that night. Sunday I ate fish and chips for lunch and then met up with some former students who had come armed with roast duck and chocolate cake (you gotta say I train them well) so when I stood on the scales this morning and it registered at only 75 kg there was only one conclusion to be drawn: the scales are bust. No one loses 4 kilos in a week on a diet like mine. So I've taken them out from under the chair on the soft bedroom carpet and moved them into the harsh light and hard floor of the bathroom. We'll see how they like that.

Current weight: 75 kg. (haha)

Let's get the bad news over with first, you had all my excuses last time:

Current weight: 79.6 kg

My brain has long since turned to jelly and it's just my body following suit.