Demented Dieter

Here's a question for you to mull over. What is the natural accompaniment to a beef and Guinness pie?

Long slithers of raw runner bean inserted under the pastry and an eyeful of tomato relish? No, I didn't think so either. I merely enquired if I could order a side dish of some sort of carbohydrate such as potatoes to soak up the gravy and you'd think I'd suggested passing the port to the right. "I can bring you a salad," said the waitress, "We don't serve chips." I think she must get asked a lot. So I ate the raw beans first as a salad starter. They were very nice. Then I removed the pastry lid and smeared it with chutney. That was lovely too. Finally, I ate the beef and gravy. Very tasty but it really did suffer from the lack of something to mop up the juice (or should i say, 'jus'?) Perhaps I should have asked for a bit o' white sliced.

Current weight: 79 kg. (the result of a very pleasant weekend away)

As I am sure you know, my all time favourite ice-cream flavour is 'German Chocolate Cake' from Baskin & Robins. Unfortunately (or perhaps luckily) it is only available during their Oktoberfest each year. Last year I was cruelly deprived because the organizer resigned and her replacement was considered too inexperienced to take on a major event. So, I gritted my teeth and made do with the other 30 flavours on offer BUT I never lost sight of my goal and promised myself a double scoop this year.

It's a sad indictment of my busy lifestyle that it was 20 days into the month before I had the time to check out the new flavours but I finally got there yesterday and found they had changed their policy (without informing me!) and that German Chocolate Cake had already been and gone for the year back in July.

Needless to say I was bitterly disappointed but I was able to console myself with a scoop of the flavour of the month: Chocolate Escape. It's a Swiss Chocolate Blend with chunks of chocolate and pieces of grenache-soaked cake mixed in. I have to say, it was delicious.

Current Weight: 77.3 kg

I think I may have put my foot in it today. I was invited to the farewell do of a friend who had only been in the job 5 weeks. Her boss was all smiles but lamenting, "Oh, this is my third assistant to leave in a year. I don't know what I am doing wrong." Inevitably I quipped, "Oh I've heard of that movie: 'The Devil wears Prada' isn't it?" There was an embarrassed silence from the crowd and a glare from the boss. Perhaps the story of a vicious boss feared by her employees was a little too close to home. Oops. I hastily passed around the chocolate mud cake. Yum.

Not that I should care who I offend at work these days. An edict has been issued from on high that the department will be closed on schedule at the end of March despite our protests. I console myself by humming Joni Mitchell songs and murmuring, "You don't know what you've got till it's gone" Somewhere down the track they will realize that closing us down was a mammoth error but, of course, nobody will be able to admit this. So, instead, all will go quiet for five years and then some bright, young, thrusting exec will come up with an idea. "Hey, I know how we can get more foreign students to come to our uni. Let's offer them English lessons." I don't think I can afford to wait that long so I'd better get to work on polishing up the CV.

Current weight (continuing to creep ever upwards) 78.3 kg

I love black plastic Casio watches that can store 50 telephone numbers. Never mind that I don't know 50 people with telephones. I have to store every number in my life on my watch because I have no memory for numbers. It's true. Prose? No problem. Poetry? If I must. At the drop of a hat I will recite all 16 verses of 'The Lion and Albert' my favourite monologue. But can I remember my own mobile phone number? My car rego? The photocopier access code? Nope, Nein and Nyet.

So it is a little disconcerting to find that my watch is turning Japanese. Ok, reverting to Japanese. The low battery warning light came on. I took it to the guy in the shopping centre who cuts keys, repairs shoes and changes watch batteries. For a mere twenty bucks he replaced the battery. And now it's gone back to Japanese. I emailed the Casio website for advice and they informed me that changing the battery is not a normal procedure and that in future I should take my watch to the recognized Casio dealer in my country. Address below. So it seems that next time I need a watch battery changed I have to hop a (6 hour) flight to New South Wales. Methinks it's going to be cheaper buy a new watch ... or to learn to read Japanese.

Current weight: 77.9 kg

I think I deserve some praise for showing restraint. I went to the Perth Royal Show on Saturday. It's sort of like a cross between an agricultural show and a funfair with a dash of the Ideal Home Exhibition thrown in. After you've admired the sturdy sheep, patted a pig, eaten a toffee apple and chucked up off the top of the big wheel, the thing to do is buy a showbag to take home with you. There are dozens of these bags. Every manufacturer produces one supposedly full of bargains, free samples and inducements to buy more. I am reliably informed that the best bargain to be had at this year's show was the Lindt Chocolate showbag which contained $165 worth of chocolate but cost a mere $70. It was a tough decision but common sense prevailed in the end and I realized that eating $165 worth of choc was going to do me no good in the long run. (Though ecstatically happy in the short term, it must be said) Hence my request for admiration: I bought only a $6 Cadbury's showbag. Very restrained.

Current weight: 77.6 kg